is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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