honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
