M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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