I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Maybe he injected his testicle?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
