We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
