My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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