I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
