i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
