You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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