"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
