I want to stick my p in your. b.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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