I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
