we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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