btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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