I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
