if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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