D3 body, D1 cock
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
