I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
