is your mom at the bar?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
