maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she pinky promised me she was 18
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
