Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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