that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
