You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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