i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He shit in the fireplace
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