Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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