shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
