You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
