Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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