You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
