Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
