I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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