one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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