i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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