we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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