I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
