Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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