i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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