i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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