How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
