i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
