i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
