Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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