I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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