i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
