Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
