Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
