Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
