fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
