i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You need Xanax blowdarts
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
