PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize