I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
