So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
