I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
