He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize