He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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