Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
