Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
