I am spending my child support on dildos
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
