why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
