you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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