i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
