currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
