do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
