I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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