From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize