Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
