I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
