Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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