he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
