Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
