Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
