i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
