omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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