i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize