It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
