I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
MIDGETS
????
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
