will power is for people who don't want to get laid
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
