Can i not drive my cunt home
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize